Neil Swanson, PCC, CACP, MDiv - ADHD and Relationship Coach - April 12, 2023

Hi, !

Making decisions can be a challenge. So many options pop into our busy minds. Sometimes they may all seem equally interesting and inviting – other times all equally uninteresting and off-putting. How can we choose?

Let’s say I face a choice between accepting a sudden invitation to meet a dear, old friend for dinner and keeping my regular shift at the local food pantry.

Imagine that the old friend was someone I had not seen in years who was unexpectedly passing through town. That might make the choice easier, since I could see it as a gift to my old friend. But what about the obligation to the folks at the food pantry who are counting on me? 

Maybe I could do both things? Once in a while that might be a good choice, if schedules permit, but often a real decision has to be made.

Here are some tools that might help.

The Pause: Many of us are prone to reacting quickly, with barely a breath between a stimulus and our reaction. We can practice pausing before reacting by taking a deep breath when faced with the apparent need to make a decision. At a minimum, that provides an opportunity for a thoughtful response rather than an impulsive reaction. During that breath, we might even bring to mind our top three values to aid in responding rather than reacting to a situation, which brings us to our next tool. 

Values: We can remind ourselves of our values and ask ourselves whether a particular option aligns with our values. If we know what we value and how we envision our best life, we might ask ourselves a question like: Which choice is most aligned with my highest sense of who I can be in this moment? 

     In the example above, I might consider one or more of these values:

• contributing to my community
• nurturing friendships
• self-care
• life balance

Intuition: Intuition is often an important and valuable decision-making tool. To use it, I would do my best to turn off, or at least quiet, my thinking mind and  listen to my intuition without attachment to a particular outcome. Today’s decision might be different from one I would have made last week. 

It could also happen that when we pause to take a breath, we realize that there is no pressing need to make a decision in that very moment. We can say, “I’ll get back to you on that.” That opens additional space for pausing to quietly contemplate our values and listen for inspired intuition.

Do you have a way of making decisions that works well for you? I’d love to hear!

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